breaking hearts has never looked so cool [ 16.04.04 - 11:00 let them think what they want, all i want is you. ] well, commend me for my bravery, because now it's all i got. i talked to geoff, and the gist of it is as follows: me: [ad-libbed the spiel about what i want, what he wants, etc.] him: i realized that i'm still in love with my exgirlfriend. is there a single boy out there who isn't damaged goods? who is capable of taking that chance & going balls to the wall in everything he does? i'm beginning to think the answer is no. i'm so thrilled i could be a reminder of how much he loves someone else. boy, it makes me feel great to bring two people together like that. yup, i'm absolutely freaking thrilled/heartbroken. i cried, then i told him to leave & he asked "are you sure?" & like the sucker i am, i said no. he stayed for a while, then left abruptly, as geoff is wont to do. why did i cry? why do i insist on being so weak when faced with situations of the heart? i just hoped, i guess. i have this stupid blind hope that maybe it'll work, & i'll say the right thing to make him go, "hell with it, i want you." he said all sorts of nice things, sang my praises really, but none of that mattered, because it wasn't enough. he said that i have honest eyes & i was kind & genuine & preceded it with, "it's not just that you're beautiful...". but it wasn't enough. i am never enough. & i'm crushed. in other non-heart wrenching news, i came home last night and my door was unlocked & opened sending me spiraling into panic & adrenal-pumping rage. i stalked through my apartment clutching the machete-looking knife that my dad gave me when i moved out, fully intending on impaling whoever might cross my path. nothing was stolen, not even the $200 cash sitting in my kitchen. i called the cops, but they wouldn't come because nothing had been stolen. i called my landlord over and over to no avail. finally, i got ahold of him & came to find out that he had entered my apartment to leave me a key to my door (i have two locks & one key - i have been locked out of my apartment twice). he entered my fucking apartment illegally, & to top it all off, there was no goddamn key to be found. this creeps me out. so i wrote a formal letter of vacancy, & threatened legal action, which i will be fully entitled to pursue, should they not release me from the terms of my lease. cute little house, here i come, $500 richer. [ previous entry - next entry ]

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