breaking hearts has never looked so cool [ 04.04.04 - 12:57 glowing me, choking you. ] holy cow, holy cow, holy cow! what a marvelous night, it just seems to get better. i feel exhilerated & refreshed in spite of, like, four hours of sleep, waking up to find out that geoff & i both forgot daylight savings and were therefore late for work & a $20 cab ride (which geoff, who had offered me a ride, but could no longer provide kindly picked up.). a little background: being the archaic weirdo i am, when i like someone or they just inspire certain feelings in me, i am compelled to write to them. just write something, anything to try to get out all the feelings that seem to dam up inside me. so after hanging out with geoff, i told him i was going to write him a letter, which he seemed to be excited about. i had been dodging actually doing it for ages & ages, but finally, the words just poured out of me. they were vulnerable & intense & i admitted my feelings for him in a very fourth grade "i like you! do you like me?! check: yes no maybe" kind of a way. so last night, i finally get the beans to give him this letter. i couldn't decide whether i wanted to be there when he read it or not. i hid in the bathroom with it, & reviewed it, debating even giving it to him. i was filled with resolve as i threw it next to him on his bed. i curled up next to him, burying my face under the covers, & i think some self-preserving instinct took over as i fell asleep. he woke me up, wrapping me in a hug with a smile. awkwardly, he stuttered out something i would never have figured out the meaning of had he not then kissed me. oh, what a kisser he is, his hands in my hair, & the softest, most gentle mouth. immediately, my insides turned to liquid & i got a little light-headed. following that, i was frantic wtih nervous energy & asked for a drink. by some stroke of luck that i daren't question, geoff had bought whiskey the day before ("i don't know why i bought it!"). we went up and he handed the little 2 oz. bottle to me & while he was turned to get me a glass, i had finished it. i felt better after that. we talked & talked the situation to death, sort of working out kinks. i remember at one point in my half-drunk mania, it struck me that i needed some sort of reassurance that he liked me. i said, "reassure me" & curled up into him. he murmered sweet nothings about how i make him feel, how he thinks about me. i told him it was fine & good, but i still felt a little sad. grammas can say those things. i tried to hint that he ought to be more shallow. he didn't understand, and frustration was mounting. finally, i just asked in this wilting voice, embarassed of my vulnerability, "don't you think i'm pretty?" and he "aww'd" & curled me up in his arms & said, "of course i think you're pretty! i've always thought you were pretty." we spent the night, him stroking the small of my back, just basking in this glow of realized anticipation. it was wonderful. Le sighhhh! [ previous entry - next entry ]

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