breaking hearts has never looked so cool [ 02.04.04 - 2:57 we'd fall asleep in each other's arms ] shit. there's something fundamentally wrong with me & my little black heart. already, i find myself bored of eric, & irritated by all these little things he does. i was playing video games, & he took the controller from me, & i immediately regressed into the mindset of an 8-year-old, wanting so badly to bludgeon him to death (i was never much good at sharing). also, he hangs off me constantly, which drives me absolutely mental. i try to tell him to go away, in nicer terms, & he gets this look on his face, like i've drowned a bag of puppies. worse than any of that, though, was last night. easily one of the most relaxing, contented nights i've had in ages. my dearest friend geoff came to pick me up around four, & we went to an english pub near his house in sherwood park for dinner. then we went to the video store where i saw upon the shelf "love liza" with phillip seymour hoffman, which i've really wanted to see since it came out in theatres. i snatched it up & screamed 'can we watch this? can we watch this' perhaps because he was half afraid, he agreed, & we went to his house and lounged on his blood red leather recliners. the movie was very good & i cried. i won't go into my opinions on the movie right now, just trust me. anyway, afterwards, we went out for a cigarette, sitting in the cool spring air in our bare feet. we went inside where geoff made me play guitar for him, which made me want to die, every second. you see, geoff is a ridiculously talented guitarist, & it is intimidating to sit two feet away from him plucking on his guitar. i eventually made him play for me, & i curled up on his bed, under the blankets and listened to him make the most beautiful sounds i've ever heard come out of this friggin' piece of wood, & sing. oh lord, i was dying. every time he finished a song, i'd kick & whine until he picked up the guitar again. when i finally let him stop, he told me to 'scoot' & i did, & we lay side by side, the only part of our body touching was our arms. we went outside for another cigarette, & the moon was so amazingly bright, it was almost like a spotlight. i, being an absolute fucktard, start doing cartwheels and handstands on the grass, a lit cigarette dangling precariously between my lips. i danced barefoot through the dead cold grass & laughed. i just felt so amazing with the lack of snow & the fact that i couldn't see my breath anymore. geoff, being allergic to dead grass, remained on the stoop, & when i collapsed onto my back on the lawn, he wistfully wished he could join me. we decided that we would go inside, gather up some blankets, & go outside on the back porch & star-watch. huddled under the blankets together, geoff told me about physics & infinity. he told me drunk camping stories, & i told him all the random things that are always floating around my head. a flock of these dazzling white birds flew overhead. they were amazing & so fast. we cuddled close to each other to keep warm, as three am rolled around & the night cooled more. eventually, we crawled into bed together & cuddled more. we slept & slept & i hated my job more as i had to roll my ass out of bed to work. he kept pulling me backwards to cuddle for "30 more seconds" over & over. le sigh. what a night! [ previous entry - next entry ]

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