breaking hearts has never looked so cool [ 17.03.04 - 1:27 the boy requirement list ] as i have been dating a lot of flippin' rejects lately, i have opted to create a list of 'requirements'. each boy who comes into my life as a potential boyfriend/lover will be required to adhere to at least 90% of the list or risk singledom forever. the list is as follows: the most perfect boy: has nice hair does not have a hairy back has a nice stomach (not necessarily small, but nice) has pretty eyes smells good at least 89% of the time drinks good drinks smokes, at least when drinking (not so much a requirment as something awesome. bonus points awarded) familiar with the following authors: rimbaud, bukowski, cummings, salinger, robbins, orwell, rilke wears mostly black at least one point five inches taller than me not creepy skinny wears good shoes does not kiss wetly/with too much tongue is funny as Hell does not fine retarded things (ie acting like a homosexual with a friend) funny does not suck in the sack eats mcdonalds without pretending it's ironic does not crowd me but holds my hand sometimes writes me letters gets along with his family, but not to dan-like proportions maintains that lovely balance of sex and psychosis i love so much sleeps close but not so close so as to asphyxiate me does not suck in the sack likes my friends but doesn't flirt with them thinks my mom is cool is not afraid of relationships is supportive and not too critical has a good sense of aesthetic likes good music enjoys lounging around all day not really doing anything does not own an article of clothing/flag featuring che "the cliche" guevara tolerates my sleep talking/walking/headbutting can go to a seedy bar comfortably does not claim to be an 'athiest' or 'agnostic' without even knowing what it is wears nice underpants finds sitting around in bed for an entire day, smoking, drinking and talking romantic has more extensive hobbies than drinking, video games, and movies is not easily offended does not expect me to shave too often loathes shopping buys me pretty things surprises me with slurpees and candy is not overly dramatic and retarded but does not mind when i am catches my obscure tv/movie references understands my crazy person french sarcastic likes dumbassed jokes doesn't pretend he likes porn because it's "funny" tends to be a hardass when i'm being mental, doesn't tolerate my crap is a worthy Scrabble opponent can capably argue about everything on the planet with me hates "reality" tv likes really cheap resturants that give you the runs likes buffets. a lot. steals from resturants and walmart. has an affinity for big boobs. namely mine. writes entire words (ie not 'u', but 'you') has a great laugh has secret endearing 'flaws' like freckles on his shoulders has extensive sexual experience that he doesn't talk about absently does weird things, and is quirky tattoos enjoys will ferrel and sees the merit of tom green's occassional genius soft skin very wry makes fun of gothic people can have bitchfests that last hours enjoys walking aimlessly downtown at night makes me feel safe even on 118th does not call me by a retarded nickname does not use words he cannot define i don't think i'm being too unreasonable.* *list subject to change without notice [ previous entry - next entry ]

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