breaking hearts has never looked so cool [ 26.11.03 - 12:06 Wish I didn't want you, didn't want you back. ] Dear Dear Ash, The envelope is like the bark of your favorite tree, I imagine it is best appreciated without the company of others, perhaps the memory of others is better. Opening it, finding paper that breathes with a life of its own. It possesses texture like skin, but I don't say this aloud, who tells a girl she has nice texture? How strange, maybe I should start. So before I read it, I smell it, embracing it completely, I kiss it, both pieces, both sides, just to make sure. Then I tear off a corner, place it in my mouth, and swallow it whole, believing in an undiscovered civilization... Let me return attention and focus to my severely uncultured white paper. Ash. Ash. Ash. I feel crippled around you. Everything that makes me slightly dangerous and disastrous dropped under the gold track of the C-Train. Why? Meeting you was indeed memorable and I can only hope I left you with an impressed impression. You have burned yourself/In my psyche/Constantly in confession/God is a pair of jeans, brown shirt, black jacket/Untouchable. This is not a love letter, I keep saying... I find myself missing you. You and I we need to be in rotation, this one off meeting will simply not do. Is it cute to say I think of you, having felt warm hearts paperweight my perceptions. But not enough, Ash, I wish, I could have, kissed, you, Ash, goodbye. And I didn't. I took too much stock in strangers and train stations watching you stumble creeping crawl, maybe I got off at the wrong stop. Its a horrible feeling, wondering, wrong. stop. Ignore my drivel. If I mail this I must be Completely Insane. Ash, this is your letter, how you have affected me. And now this is me requesting of you, please never fade away like the rest. I can wait. PART III Please write me back. I feel small and silly and six years younger. Forgive me, my ordinary. I wonder where I got the crazy idea that he was interested in me. Why am I a game? Go ahead and fuck with my heart. It's not like I'm human. [ previous entry - next entry ]

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